Etiquette - Mike Zelena

Augusta County, Waynesboro, Staunton, Virginia \| Help-U-Sell United Real Estate \| (540) 248-HELP (4357)

“Mom, Let's Write Thank-You Notes!”

Sure, it sounds like a dream: your children running up to you and begging to write thank-you notes to their aunts, uncles, and Cousin Pete. It could be a reality—if you cut out the obligation and play up the gratitude. Explain the value and purpose of the notes: “Thank-you notes are a special way to tell Nanna & Grampa how much you liked their present.”

So focus on fun and honest sentiment. Get creative. Make what could be hours of boredom into an event they want to take part in—and in doing so take some of the burden off yourself.

General Tips

Explain that receiving thank-you notes makes people feel good. And it lets them know that the gift arrived safely and is appreciated.
The sooner the better! Get those notes written as soon as possible. But don’t be embarrassed by a note sent a bit late, even a month after the gift was received. It’s far better to send a late note than no note at all.
Spend a few minutes talking about the gift and what made it special: It’s a book you loved reading. You’ve already made three projects with the art kit. The toy is so much fun to play with you haven’t wanted to do anything else. You had a great time shopping with your friends and found the perfect sweater with the gift card.
Have fun, age appropriate materials on hand to get your child interested in the project: colorful notepaper, markers, fun pens, stickers and stamps.
If you have a camera, take a picture of your child and the gift. Include the photo with the thank-you note.
Again, remember to keep it fun! If you view this as drudgery, so will the kids.

3-5 year-olds

You will write the majority of these thank-you notes, especially for three-year-olds. Involve your child in the process by explaining what you are doing and showing her the form and content of the card or note.

Leave an area for her to scribble her own greeting—this will make the notes even more touching for the recipients.
A three to five-year-old might want to draw a picture (possibly of the gift) that can be included with the note.
Many four and five-year-olds are learning how to write their names. Ask them to sign the card. They’ll be proud to do it, and Aunt Pearl will get to see how well her nephew can write.

6-10 year-olds

Get the six and seven year olds to work with you. You can have them dictate what they want you to write, or you can each write part of the note. (Seven year olds may be able to write themselves.)
Eight, nine and ten year olds can work on their own notes. You can act as editor—and teacher. This is a good opportunity to encourage them, impart a little wisdom and check spelling.
At any of these ages, always have them sign the note with their own “thank you,” regardless of how much of the note they write.
Don’t try to polish off too many notes in one sitting. When you sense your child is losing interest, it’s time to take a break. Plan several short sessions over the course of a week or two to get everything finished.
You may need to address the envelope, but let your child put the stamp on and put it in the mailbox.

11-14 Year-Olds

Now that your kids are reaching a more independent stage, give them a little more responsibility and freedom in the process. See what they do with it.

Bring them to the store and ask which cards they like.
Set aside time to write thank-you notes together. “Let’s get out all our stationery and we’ll both work on our thank-you notes after dinner.”
Discuss when you both think the notes should be sent out. Try and impart the idea that sooner is better than later.
Allow them to express themselves—instead of sticking to a scripted message.
Remember, though they’re getting older, the fun shouldn’t dry up. Try to keep things light-hearted with a little cocoa, cookies, and music.

15-18 year-olds

Encourage them to flex those creative muscles. Perhaps he can design custom thank-you notes with his name and a special design on the front and his hand-written personal note on the other side. If he has a digital camera, he may want to add pictures.
Check early on to see if she has all the materials she’ll need: notepaper, pen, envelope, the correct addresses and stamps. Allow her to tell you if she has all the right items.
If the kids feel like creating something unexpected or out of the ordinary—go with it. As long as it isn’t going to confuse or offend their grandparents.
A hand written thank-you note is the best choice. But if your son always “talks” to his Aunt Marie over e-mail, it’s OK to send thanks online.
Give positive reinforcement for a well-written (or well-received) note. “I talked to Uncle Matt today. He loved your thank you note!” This type of comment will remind them why they’re working to create these thank-you’s and how they affect people.

Adapted from “The Gift of Good Manners: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Respectful, Kind, Considerate Children,” by Peggy Post and Cindy Post Senning, Ed.D. (HarperCollins, 2002).

Graduation Etiquette

Is a gift a must?

If you’re invited to the ceremony or are attending the party, send or bring a gift.

What to select?

Many families see graduation as a rite of passage and celebration worthy. Some parents splurge on a car or computer. Others choose to give gifts that last such as books, stock certificates, luggage, a camera, or jewelry which are all presents the graduate will still appreciate in the years ahead. Flowers are also a thoughtful choice—it’s tradition to present the graduate with a corsage or boutonnière prior to the graduation ceremony, or a bouquet of flowers afterwards. If you can’t be there in person for graduation celebrations, a bouquet or arrangement delivered to the graduate’s home let’s her know that you are there in spirit.

When to give?

Near or on the day of graduation.

How should the gift be delivered?

Mail it or drop it off in person.

Graduation Gift Etiquette Myth

People who receive graduation announcements must send a gift. Announcements do not equal invitations. You are not obligated to give a gift, although you may choose to do so. Whether or not you send a present, a card or note of congratulations is always appreciated.

Invitations to graduation ceremony

Q. We are only allotted six invitations to my son’s high school graduation ceremony. How should I break the news to close family members that they will not be able to attend? Certainly, it’s acceptable for me to invite them to the party even though they cannot attend the graduation?

A. This is a common dilemma during graduation season. Explain the situation to relatives. Most will be understanding. Devise some kind of plan—perhaps draw names out of a hat. Or, invite one member from each set of grandparents to attend. “Mom, we’ll only receive six invitations to Matt’s graduation. Jack, Susan, Bill and I are going for sure, so we’ll have to decide who gets the other two tickets. It’s an awkward situation. We’re thinking of just drawing names out of a hat. Or do you think Dad would be willing to stay home so that you and Jack’s mother could attend?” Invite everyone to attend the party after graduation and be sure to share all of the pictures.

Getting Grads to Write Thank-you Notes

Q. I want my teenage son to send thank-you notes for his graduation gifts, but he thinks it’s unnecessary and old-fashioned. How do I get him to write the notes?

A. Appeal to your son’s empathy. Ask him how he’d feel if he had put effort into choosing a gift for someone and never received a response. You can also remind him that those who feel unappreciated may stop sending gifts. A hand-written note is warmer than e-mail, so make it easier by providing him with the tools: stationery, stamps, etc. And be a good role model. Say, “How about we both sit down tonight and work on note writing?”

The Graduation Party Guest List

Q. I want to throw my son a high-school graduation party and invite his friends and our relatives. But I’m concerned his 18-year-old buddies might get rowdy and upset the aunts and uncles. Do I:

Throw two parties.
Invite everyone. And if family doesn’t like the atmosphere, they can always leave.
Explain to my son beforehand that even though it’s his party, he and his friends must remain well-behaved.

Correct Answer: (3) High-school graduation is an exciting time for teens and parents, so there’s no reason why your relatives and son’s friends can’t celebrate together. Get your son involved in the party planning: Let him send the invitations and plan the menu. If you’re concerned about the behavior of your son and his friends, discuss this with him—ahead of time. Your son should already know the polite behavior you expect, and you should already know most of his friends. Keep your conversation positive, but make sure you cover the potential problems, such as noise level and inappropriate activities. Also, be sure that no alcoholic beverages are served to minors.

Attire Guide: Beach Casual to White Tie

OCCASION	MEN	WOMEN
White Tie	Black tailcoat, matching trousers with a single stripe of satin or braid in the US; two stripes in Europe or the UK white piqué wing-collared shirt with stiff front white vest white bow tie white or gray gloves black patent shoes and black dress socks	Formal (floor length) evening gown
Black Tie	Black tuxedo jacket and matching trousers formal (piqué or pleated front) white shirt black bow tie (silk, shiny satin or twill) black cummerbund to match tie, or a vest dressy suspenders to ensure a good fit (optional) black patent shoes and black dress socks no gloves. In summer or on a cruise: white dinner jacket, black tuxedo trousers plus other black tie wardrobe.	Formal (floor length) evening gown or short, dressy cocktail dress
Black Tie Optional	Either a tuxedo (see 'Black Tie' above) or dark suit, white shirt and conservative tie	Formal (floor length) evening gown or short, dressy cocktail dress or dressy separates
Creative Black Tie	Tuxedo combined with trendy or whimsical items, such as a black shirt or a matching colored or patterned bow tie and cummerbund black shiny patent or dressy black leather shoes and black socks	Formal (floor length) evening gown or short, dressy cocktail dress or dressy separates or any of the above accessorized with such items as a feather boa, colorful shawl or colorful jewelry
Semiformal	Dark, business suit (usually worsted wool) matching vest (optional) white shirt conservative tie dressy leather shoes and dress (dark) socks	Short afternoon or cocktail dress or long dressy skirt and top
Festive Attire	Seasonal sport coat or blazer in color of choice and slacks open-collar shirt or shirt and "festive" or holiday-themed tie	Short cocktail dress or long dressy skirt and top or dressy pants outfit
Dressy Casual	Seasonal sport coat or blazer and slacks open-collar shirt	Street length dress or skirt and dressy top or dressy pants outfit
Business Casual	Seasonal sport coat or blazer with slacks or khakis open-collar shirt	Skirt, khakis or slacks open-collar shirt, knit shirt or sweater (no spaghetti straps or decolleté)
Sport Casual	Khakis or clean, pressed jeans plain tee shirt (no slogans), polo shirt or casual button-down shirt	Khakis or clean, pressed jeans plain tee shirt (no slogans), polo shirt or casual button-down shirt
Beach Casual	Khakis or shorts (cargo or Bermuda) knit or polo shirt sport jacket (optional) or sweater	Sundress, khakis or shorts (cargo or Bermuda) open-collar, knit, or polo shirt lightweight jacket or sweater
Holiday Casual	Clothing is the same as for 'Business Casual' with some holiday colors or designs.	Clothing is the same as for 'Business Casual' with some holiday colors or designs.
Copyright © 2005 Emily Post Institute

Tips for Parents

Here are some etiquette tips to keep in mind when minding your children:

1. Please and Thank You

“Please” and “Thank You” are still the magic words they've always been, and you will be doing your child a favor if you insist that she use them until they become a habit. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and “Thank You” is the accepted way of showing appreciation. “Please” can turn a demand into a request and indicates an option—it can turn an unpopular request into a more palatable one.

2. Greetings

Teach your children, as soon as they are old enough to understand, to greet people by name. Learning early on to look someone in the eye and say “Hello Mr. Kelly”—instead of “Hi” mumbled at the ground—is a valuable lesson for the future.

3. Table Manners

Table manners for children should be the same as they are for adults, with one exception: young children should be permitted to be excused from the table, if the meal is an extended one. Expecting a young child to sit quietly through a protracted meal when his food is gone is an unreasonable demand on his patience and ability to sit still without wiggling, fiddling, and noisemaking to help pass the time.

4. Privacy

In order to teach your children to respect your privacy, you must respect theirs.

Don't try to involve yourself in their conversations
Don't listen in on their telephone conversations
Don't go through their belongings
Don't pry
Knock and wait for a “come in” before entering their room

5. Interrupting

Teach your children not to interrupt. This is part of learning to respect other people's rights. It is up to you to teach your child to wait for a break in the conversation to speak. The mother who invariably stops and says, “What is it, dear?” when her daughter interrupts is helping her to establish a habit that will do her a disservice all her life.

6. Thank-you Notes

It is not necessary to write a thank-you note, when a gift is opened and the donor is thanked personally at the time of opening. If the gifts are not opened in front of the donors, the child must write a personal note mentioning the gift by name to each donor.

7. Fair Play

Fair play among children is really just good sportsmanship and respect for others. It includes the practice of kindness, taking turns and sharing. One of the best ways to teach fair play is by example. Parents who take turns, treat their children with kindness and share with others will be teaching their children fair play, just by their actions.

8. Shaking Hands

Teaching your child to shake hands is a good way to get them used to greeting people appropriately. Practice with them. Show your child how to shake hands and exchange greetings by looking you in the eye and greeting you by name.

9. Telephone Manners

A child's first experience with the phone will be saying “Hi” to a relative or close friend. Good phone manners that children will learn over time include speaking clearly, identifying themselves, taking messages, and not dominating phone use.

10. Out and About

Children need to learn that good manners are used everywhere, not just at their grandparents. Table manners, please and thank you, polite greetings, and respectful conversation are called for at home, at friends' homes, in restaurants, at school, and even in the mall. If children learn to make good manners a habit at home, they will use them everywhere.

Tips on Going to the Prom

Got a Date?

This is no longer THE BIG ISSUE. Plenty of people go to proms solo or in groups, not as couples.

Saying yes.

Once you accept an invitation to a prom, you are committed. We all know the story of the girl who kept waiting for the better offer that never arrived. And it’s pretty lame to turn someone down because “I’m going to be out of town” and then show up with someone else.

$$$

Proms today can be expensive, so it is common for couples or groups to share the costs. This is definitely something that should be agreed upon right after you decide to go so everyone can save up. Most couples or groups split all the costs equally, including tickets, meals and transportation.

Dining at a restaurant or using a limousine service? Remember to give a tip if it is not already included in the service.

Plan Ahead!

Don’t wait until the last minute to make your arrangements for a limo, restaurant, tux rental or flowers. You could be disappointed.

Some vendors offer discounts to early birds who book ahead. Check it out.

Flowers

If your date is cool enough to give you a corsage or boutonnière— wear it!

Have no clue what goes with “a sort of turquoise silk?” You can't go wrong with white—roses, baby's breath, freesia, stephanotis, spicy carnations—all are pretty, and smell terrific. The florist can help you stay within your budget.

Formal or Semi-formal

Formal usually means long gowns and tuxedos. Semi-formal usually means short dresses and dinner jackets or sport coats and ties. If you are inviting a date from another school, clue them in about what to wear.

Tuxes now come in all colors, but your basic black model
still looks great and is kinder to your wallet.
Jazz it up with a cool bow tie and cummerbund (the sash thing).

Everybody Dance Now

That’s the name of the game at proms today. Solo - group - couple it doesn’t matter, just as long as you dance.

And Don’t Forget

Spiff up your manners to match your outfit.

Let Mom and Dad take your picture. (You’ll love it later!)

Stay sober. And don’t get in a car with a driver or anyone else who has been drinking. Better yet, take away the keys. Have some cab money just in case. You want to remember this evening as a special highlight in your life, not a tragedy.

Be back by curfew and keep your parents informed of any change in plans. (“Look, Mom—I’m responsible!”)

Have a great time!